080608
Feel exceptionally aimless, no book to read, nothing to do, or rather, dont want to do. Family packing up at chalet whilst im stuck in camp. Decided to pick up diary writing, perhaps just to pen down some emotions or random thoughts.

090608
Perhaps it would have been better if i did not know the truth. Noth that the truth hurts, but it brought along repercussions. Was it really me who had been a selfish glutton, who eat others' food but refuses to share, or that they did not ask. Knowing the truth has made me cautious of what i do. At the same time feel the hostility. it is going to be a long 4months ahead.


i am nice because i believe in karma. or because i feel their pain too? or am i just borned/brought up to be nice?


180608
time to sleep. suddenly i feel very emotional. i do not understand why i feel tormented by this.

230608
i finally managed to touch the top of the rope. Somehow, there is this deja vu, like i've actually hit the top before. On another note, i felt the hopelessness feeling once again when doin some written test. with that, i end the day with an irritable & emo mood.

250608
2nd day of parade rehearsals wasnt as bad. we had a lot of slack time. then again, it is always a hassle to do parades.

260608
after all the hard work, i fumbled during the parade itself. Right before inspection, right at the front, right in front of the audience. Apart from that, i did something which shocked myself, albeit for fairness. perhaps for personal desire as well....

270608
I dreamt of some fucked up family links. Dreamt of guilt, of acceptance. More importantly, i felt all the emotions and nearly cried a few times, while asleep. The links were like from some drama. Had to accept some other guy as father & call him dad. Have different father as my sister. having to accept that my father i loved & admired so much isnt my dad, but then he is and my sister's had the other guy as father. totally weird & messed up links which doesnt make sense after thinking through. And i woke up with low morale to tackle tough endurance training, which i felt like crying during the run. A very emo start. Guessed im really very stressed.

On another note, i conquered the low rope at last (though i was not in SBO...well...at least the rope is higher then the usual one.)

020708
Finally cleared SOC. But trial test only and i failed the timing by 3seconds. Nevertheless, im still very happy.

040708
Woots. Exhilaration. I passed SOC for the very first time.